Parts and whole.

We all have parts. Some good ones. Some, we might feel, not so good ones.

Some parts of us are afraid to be vulnerable. They might show up at times. But go back soon enough.

Some parts try to protect us. They try their best. It's just that they are not well equipped to do the job.

We might like some of our parts and dislike others. But, as Richard Schwartz teaches in his book, there are No Bad Parts.

The culture demands that we show up as one, as a whole, with no parts wanting different things. If they do, there are certain Ds ready to be labeled on you.

The forced order suppresses some parts which then rightfully revolt. And that leads to more chaos. Not only for ourselves, but also for the people we love and care for.

This dynamic might feel similar to a dysfunctional family that's chaotic but tries to show the world that all is well.

The alternate is to make space for the parts, to go where they are and see what they see. To help them overcome what they need to overcome and become aligned and integrated.

I'll end with a note on the whole, the Self, the truest part of us. The Self can help all of our parts feel safe and content. And there are 8 qualities that the Self possesses: Curious, Calm, Compassionate, Creative, Confident, Clear, Courageous and Connected.

Everything gets better when we approach the world, both outside and within, with the Self energy.

This is where Internal Family Systems (the family of parts inside us) comes into play. It is one of the most effective forms of therapy out there. And it is something that can be done on our own too.

Here are some resources for you to get started:

Books by Richard Schwartz, the Founder of Internal Family Systems:

• No Bad Parts - I feel the audiobook is the best way to get a sense of what IFS is and can help with. But you can start with a physical copy too.
• You are the one you've been waiting for - I can't recommend this one enough. This can help us understand how our behavior changes when we are in an intimate relationship and how we can work towards building a healthy connection.
• The Internal Family Systems Workbook for working through IFS on your own.
• One more, not by Schwartz but by Martha Beck. She teaches IFS in her own magical way in the book Beyond Anxiety .

Start with any of these. The one that calls to you.

As with anything else worth doing, this work is hard. It takes emotional labour and courage. But it's worth it, not just for us for the ones that matter to us.