The city you live in.

I have been living in Goa for almost four years now.

I know that it would rain heavily from June to August during the monsoons. I know that there will be multiple art festivals from November to February.

Not only that, I know where there is a peaceful spot to rest, which cafe to go for good coffee, and which areas to avoid because of noise and rush.

The awareness didn't happen in the first month. It has developed over the years I have been here.

Rather, in the first year, I made all the rookie mistakes. Lived in the wrong area. Went to the wrong places. And got lost more times than I can count. The fact was that I didn't know the city I was living in.

There are 2 cities all of us are living in, all the time, all our lives. Both are hidden from our conscious awareness.

Polyvagal theory (Stephen Porges, Deb Dana) brings our attention to the body's responses to different stimuli. What puts us in fight, flight (or fawn) mode? What puts us in freeze (or flop) mode? Becoming aware when we are in these modes and how we can get back to green (ventral vagal) is akin to navigating the city you live in.

The other, deeper system surfaces through IFS (Internal Family Systems). Our psyche breaks into parts as it encounters hurt and trauma. And these parts take over in different ways. Managers try to control everything. Firefighters try to break all the 'manager rules'. And the exiles, the vulnerable parts, are the ones all of them are trying to hide.

Two books can help you start understanding these systems better - Beyond Anxiety by Martha Beck and No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz.

It's time to buy the map for the city you live in.