Trying harder.

My friend Sonja once came up with some useful advice for men who would like to improve their performance in the bedroom. “Here’s a hint,” she said. “If whatever you’re doing isn’t working, don’t do it harder.

This applies in every area of life, but most of us don’t seem to realize it. Our cultural assumption is that doing things harder is the way out of confusion and into happiness.

~ Martha Beck, The way of integrity.

Trying harder seems innocuous, maybe even virtuous. But it's a trap. It stops us from seeing what's not working and making a change.

Why would things be different this time? What are you changing?

Not more effort or more intent, but something specific. One thing that would be different in how you show up this time.

It could be tactical like working out in the evening rather than morning, or switching to a cafe instead of working from home. Or strategic like instead of putting professional ahead of personal, trying it the other way around.

Scientists do this all the time. They change one variable and test a new hypothesis.

If we keep doing what we have been doing, how can we expect it to end up differently?

Instead of trying harder, try different.